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I'm about to do all the things I dreamed of and I don't even miss you at all.. [entries|friends|calendar]
Bella

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[02 Jun 2005|08:11pm]
Listen, if I am such a "dumb slut" than don't read my journal? And if you are so perfect yourself than why don't you leave your name? You couldn't even speak good english in your entry. Think again before you call someone a dumb slut who has a 4.0 in college and has had a boyfriend for two years. I write in my journal to vent. I don't need advice from you when I have been through enough shit already. Especially when you don't KNOW what is going on. I can handle my own. Thanks.
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

[31 May 2005|04:54pm]
I would appreciate advice if I knew who it was coming from.. otherwise don't bother... Thanks
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

[18 May 2005|08:50pm]
This semester went well to say the least..got the 4.0 that I set out for. It isn't reflected on my transcript sent home however, because of the fact that my Sociology teacher cannot add up my points correctly and then she decides to go on vacation until the 23rd so my grade cannot be corrected till then. Ugh.......
Next semester is looking okay... I got Dave back for lunch so this should be exciting..
Mondays- Off!
Tuesdays- 9:30-10:45 a.m. US History
11-12:15 p.m. English
2-3:40 p.m. Human Anatomy & Physiology 2 Lecture
Wednesdays- Off!
Thursdays- 8:00-8:50 a.m. Intro To Careers In Teaching
Plus the rest of my Tuesday schedule...
Fridays- 11-1:50 p.m. Human Anatomy & Physiology 2 Lab

Yes..I did say "Intro To Careers In Teaching"..I am thinking of changing my major.. I've wanted to teach since the days when I had enough stuffed animals to set up in rows to be my students. I figure I will be in school for a while because I f*cked myself up at Buffalo State the first semester...

As we speak right now.. I am very lonely.. I am sitting home for like the 15th straight night doing nothing.. By choice? a couple times have been... I hate being lonely.. I will blame that on Joe.. he has changed my life around in like a 360 and I don't even know where to begin to pick it up. It hurts to be the center of someone's world for two years and then they decide that they have better things to do 24-7..
I need to let stuff out..
can't you pick up the phone to tell me that you made it home o.k.? can't you be just as excited to see me as I am to see you? you say that you love me but I honestly doubt it lately.. love is just a word to me unless you give it meaning..people have told me they loved me before.. nobody has really shown it.. after waking up for almost a year straight at 6:30 a.m. to drive to your house to wake you up and then drive you to work Monday-Friday.. I feel like that is all I am to you.. I am there when it is convienent for you.. when you needed me to register your car for you today because you can't take time off... but you can't spend the night at my house while my parents are away because I am scared of being here? I hate sleeping in this house alone.. you being my boyfriend..my "hero" should rush to save me... instead you can't even stop here and pass out after you go to the bar just so I will feel at ease...I always make sacrifices for you.. when have you sacrificed for me? I let you borrow any money I have at times when I need it the most and no matter what we do..I have to beg for you to pay for both movie tickets and food when we go out.. I don't mind going dutch.. I know we both are struggling but I have NEVER been taken out by you without me having to pay the next time or something like that... you treat my stuff like its crap and yours like its golden..who cares if the dog scratched up the hood of my car when he jumped on it? oh no..it doesn't matter to you because it wasn't yours and I didn't pay for my car..it is the only one I will have till I graduate! I have never met anyone in my LIFE who claims to be so uncomfortable at someone's house that they cannot bare to be there for more than ten mintues at a time.. you came over for twenty mintues on christmas and we have been dating TWO YEARS...I went on vacation with your family and shared the same hotel room as your father and his girlfriend AND HER SON! I didn't complain once..what are you so uncomfortable about? my mom begs for you to come over all the time just so she can know who I am "madly inlove with" and you're always too tired or sick or there is always an excuse! I hate it! she just wants to know you and you won't even let her! your tearing me apart inside and then you call me a moron for expressing myself when I cry... you think my tears are fake.. I am an emotional person but..wow...I can't do this on my own! I am depressed as all hell and I love you so much it hurts.. the diamond ring you gave me for christmas means shit to me because it doesn't show you love me! I don't care how much you paid for it! I rather have bought your time and affection! God I am hurt and you don't care.. I am forever trapped into this pit and you're the only one who can help me and you shovel more dirt on top of me.. I feel like I have absolutly nothing left on this earth..I have given SO much ALL the time... ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED is for you to notice me..to call me and tell me you're thinking about me during the day..to hug me..to kiss me! we don't even kiss..we peck and it makes me feel so ugly that I cry myself to sleep...I can't do this anymore..but then again.. what else do I have to do? I strive to make everyone happy and the one that I want to return the happiness feels as though he accomplishes that by just saying he loves me....
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS MOTHER FUCKER!


sorry everyone...
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

Oh man... [14 May 2005|08:05pm]
Not doing so good.. at all. I often think what in the world happened for things to get like this? I am twenty-years old and I hate life. Kinda extreme? You wouldn't think so if you knew how I felt everyday when I wake up. The only thing I look forward to is graduating and moving far away. I often contemplate moving far away right now.. just getting up and moving and starting over..not telling anyone..just doing it. I think I would be much happier if I could start over. I hate this city. I hate having no one I can turn to. I don't have any friends, well anyone I would like to call a "friend" except for one soul person. I don't feel loved by my boyfriend of two years. Everyday he calls me a moron and tells me he can't stand me but yet I wake up everyday at 6:00 a.m. to drive him to work because I think the world of him. Now do you wonder why I hate my life? I don't want to even get into that portion of my life because I would be there forever. I want to get away. Someone, anyone, help? There isn't a sole besides my family who gives two shits about me, quite a drastic change from growing up my whole life. I am not a part of anything or anyone. Nobody remembers me. I don't bring a smile to anyones face. It hurts so bad to officially know that I mean nothing. I would do anything for anybody but I don't have a person who would do the same for me. Do you know how that feels? None of you do. I hear about what awesome experiences everyone is having at college with their little friends and parties and what not. I don't have any of it. I don't have any friends from my past that have ever wondered how I am doing. Hopefully I will get this job I put in for so I can work constantly so I will not have to sit here every night on my computer and wonder what it feels like to have people that care about me. Maybe if I joined a sorority I could buy friends? If only I could have succeeded in what I attempted three years ago..I wouldn't have any of this to say
5 Ooh Babys| Kiss me

[19 Jan 2005|05:52am]
Nothing new..... there is this comic hypnotist coming to the Casino and since my parents are considered "high rollers" at the Casino, we got free tickets so me and Joey are going. I think it should be fun..and if given the chance, I definately want to participate. My cousin asked me to go to Vegas with her and her friends over Spring Break but I really do not have the money.. I'm not going to be too depressed over it though.. Myrtle Beach is in May, Boston is in July, Cedar Point is in August, and Rhode Island is in September..pretty much all will be with the boy and either my family or his...should be some fun times... Yeah..Chris I miss you. I don't know what has happened but we need to communicate again. My phone is broken in half..long story...so I do not have anybodys phone numbers...
So attempting to situate myself I opted to not take NUR classes this semester and focus on the other classes I have to take to graduate with a nursing degree if I stay on that path. I believe I will find it easier to focus on the smaller things and then take the big one by itself... the NUR class, incase nobody knew what I was talking about. My schedule is as follows....
Monday-
Human A+P- 12-1:50
Writing- 2-3:15
Developemental Psych- 5:30-8

Wed-
Human A+P- 12-1:50
Writing- 2-3:15

Thurs-
Human A+P Lab- 2-4:50

And I am taking Sociology online..First online course.. I am kinda nervous but I think I can do it it..
It sucks because I don't have the Britney Spears & Porkenbacon every day, which made the time go by but what can ya do...I'll make time for Pork too and Brit if she ever comes back =(.. Well today is the first day back and I must go get ready..it is a blizzard so I have to leave earlier...
Kiss me

[11 Jan 2005|02:49pm]
This is what being bored does to you my friend... It resorts you to finding out the truth about certain little things..for example..Mike Eberhart was born in Memorial Hospital in the ghetto, NOT in California.. But he lied to anyone who would listen to it... And second, the poem he wrote about me and him hanging out in Canada..he tried to pass off on his new girlfriend and say its about her..Common dude.. that is not cool.. Here is for your reading enjoyment..I KNOW Porkenbacon will love it..


CheLI3eLLy: lol... so your not born in california i hear
CoLdSPideR11: how about you mind your business
CheLI3eLLy: hey, im not the one who lied, you dont have to get all pissy at me
CoLdSPideR11: i'm not....just sayin...mind your own business
CheLI3eLLy: lol well it was my business too since u lied to me about it, thats all
CoLdSPideR11: well it's not your business...so get a life
CheLI3eLLy: ok wegmans
CoLdSPideR11: you really dont want to start with me right now....
CheLI3eLLy: i wasnt at all to begin with, your the one with an attitude so dont take it out on me
CoLdSPideR11: listen....i hate your guts....if you died....i'd have a party....do NOT IM me....EVER....seriously....get a fuckin life....
CheLI3eLLy: lol fuckin calm down piece of shit
CoLdSPideR11: why do you even IM me?....you know i hate you
CheLI3eLLy: lol you have no reason to hate me, all i did was want to know why u lied about something so stupid and how you tried to pass a poem you wrote about me to angela saying its about her, honestly i dont give a shit
CoLdSPideR11: well if u dont give a shit...then why do you IM me?....i wish you were dead....seriously....dont ever IM me
CheLI3eLLy: lol why do you have such hatred for me, you need to get over things
CoLdSPideR11: i did get over things....thats why i could give two shits about you
CheLI3eLLy: lol that dont mean you have to hate someone
CoLdSPideR11: yeah well i do....so get over it
CheLI3eLLy: lol im over it, your the one with built up hatred
CoLdSPideR11: alright then....have a good life....
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

[28 Dec 2004|09:36am]
Christmas wasn't too bad this year...It didn't feel like Christmas but besides that it wasn't that bad. The 23rd we had my mom's side of the family over. Joey came for a little bit, he felt uncomfortable. I would have too. Everyone thought we were engaged, lol. I had the beautiful white gold diamond ring he got me for my birthday on and he wants me to wear it on my ring finger..he said a promise ring till an engagement ring. Well it is a pretty damn nice promise ring if you ask me and I know this doesn't matter, but it cost more then most people's engagement rings..I know because I had to take it to get it sized. The 24th we went to church as always and then to my Aunt Michelle's. Usually I can't wait for Christmas Eve with my dad's family but it didn't seem like Christmas. My cousin Sarah being home made the night =) I haven't seen that chick since she went to college and I missed her so much! For being cousins, we are more like sisters. I promised to come visit her at Geneseo and party with her and her friends, she just pledged so she is a new sister! Christmas Day I opened presents with my family. I got some clothes, DVDs, flannel sheets, socks, a lamp, gift certificates, money, the usual. I went to Joey's sister's house after. His mom got me this robe-house coat and his dad got me and him matching pajamas...haha.(We get to match at Holiday Valley this year!!!)Joey got me a car starter, ANOTHER ring (this irish ring i wanted, gold w/a diamond in the middle), a DVD, and this ceramic straigthener I wanted with hair stuff. I got him an XBOX, The Prince of Persia game, a wireless controller, a winter coat, a hoodie, socks, and a stocking. I have been realizing every day how much he means to me..and just when I feel like it can't get any better, it does. I have off a month for school so when he's not working we have been having crazy Yahtzee games with his brother and sister, and Connect Four tournaments, watching movies, playing frogger..I know..corny little things but it has brought me such happiness in the past few weeks. Brittany moved back to California..I'm gonna miss that girl...I'm going to California next summer to visit her..I have been officially invited. I wish she would have given NY a longer chance because I know we would have gotten extremely close. I guess it is best that she is back home because she missed her mom and family. It's weird being on break and not really having anything specific to due. Georgie closed on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve..actually he closed till January 6th or something so my one job is closed. Cinderella, where I work every other weekend, is closing New Years Day which is my Saturday..thats good because I can get hammered but it is bad because I only work that Sunday that weekend and then I don't work there for 2 weeks... These two jobs are great during school because with Georgies on Friday nights and some Saturdays, I make what I need to get by...and every other weekend mornings at the coffee shop make me my bill money. I get plenty of time off to do things...Georgies, sounds bad because it is every Friday night(I am the only waitress), I am usually out by 10:30 or unless a band is comming in, then I have to cocktail. It's good but it's bad..bad now because I am pretty poor for the next couple weeks... I'm gonna get going..house work to due, errands to run, then pick up the boy from work.. Porkenbacon where are you! I know you are not in NYC still..
Kiss me

[30 Nov 2004|09:35am]
The \\
Last Cigarette:Can't say there has been one ever...
Last Alcoholic Drink:Soco & Lime shot...
Last Car Ride:on the way to school today
Last Kiss:last night
Last Good Cry:last night
Last Library Book:It has been long..
Last book bought:The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Last Book Read:"
Last Movie Seen in Theatres:Saw & The Grudge (at the drive-in)
Last Movie Rented:The Terminal
Last Cuss Word Uttered:F*ck
Last Beverage Drank:Tropicana No Pulp
Last Food Consumed:McD's
Last Crush:..
Last Phone Call:my mom
Last TV Show Watched:Channel 2 News..shoot out in Niagara Falls..approx. 2 houses from where I was at the time..I heard the cop say "I'm hit"..pretty tramatic
Last Time Showered:this morning
Last Shoes Worn:black shoes..my moms
Last CD Played:Mix cd
Last Item Bought:my mom's x-mas present
Last Download:I don't download
Last Annoyance:Joey
Last Disappointment:I didn't get to go to bingo with Lisa..haha
Last Soda Drank:Pepsi
Last Thing Written:Pepsi
Last Key Used:i
Last Words Spoken:I don't want to take this test
Last Sleep:last night
Last Ice Cream Eaten:Chocolate-Vanilla-Strawberry
Last Chair Sat In:computer lab
Last Webpage Visited:Dave's livejournal

CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

[20 Nov 2004|12:15pm]
Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two areIn love
Your meeting was byLuck
They are yourSoulmate
You are theirOne and only
Your love willBe the epitome of what true love is
Quiz created with MemeGen!
2 Ooh Babys| Kiss me

BOB IS A NO GO [16 Nov 2004|01:15pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Just finished eating in the cafeteria with Brit & the infamous Porkenbacon. We went down to wait for Bob's class to start to find out that it is canceled...That was the only reason I came to school today to begin with... ugh. Life is going good except for the fact that I have been sick for almost a week now. Last Tuesday I quit Hott Tan. I couldn't take it anymore. Jen is a sweetheart but she doesn't know what is going on. Right now I am just working at Georgio's and Cinderella till I graduate and get my real job. Last night although I couldn't move, I went to Joey's to bring him Mighty Taco & cookies from Timmy Ho's. I slept on the couch till like 11 when I went home.....

In other news..Porkenbacon is getting mad because I am not talking him about him. Porkenbacon is my good ol' friend from NFHS who spent time with me and Samuel in gym class. I happened to walk into the library here at NCCC in September and find Porkenbacon on a computer next to me. From then on, he has not left my side; literally. He goes to Bob's class and takes notes in class (for some unknown reason). He goes to the cafeteria and waits for me & Brit and ends up sitting with the stalker who doesn't speak to him. Porkenbacon, everybody needs one in their life. It is like some form of comic relief.

Tonight I have to get things ready for clinical tomorrow at Memorial Medical Center. I have so much paperwork to do and I have to practice Asepsis. I'll get more in here later..

1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

[11 Nov 2004|06:44pm]
thursday night to do list:

1) make dave laugh

2) drop psycho off at the swan

3) stop at wegmans to pick up the over-used items

4) mighty taco

5) pick up the swan...

wait..i think #5 might take a lot longer than i have years for..
2 Ooh Babys| Kiss me

Another avoidance of reality for me... this time thanx to Melissa.. [30 Apr 2004|12:01am]
001) What time did you start this? I think it's like 1 something.. in the A.M....
002) Would you have sex before marriage?: Already did-but if I could take it back, I would definately wait.
003) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers? Hmm there was Mr. Mansour, Mr. Martinez, Mr. Hanford, oh wait and the best... Mr. D =P
007) Do you have any birthmarks? one on my arm and one on my back that is often mistaken for a mole or a "disease" by school nurses
008) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked? by my brother and by Joey
009) Have you ever beat someone up? Both of them but I always end up losing..
011) Do you get online a lot? When I have a free chance..
012) Are you shy or outgoing? Outgoing..most of the time
013) Do you shower? Hardly.. ever?
014) Do you hate school? Nope, I now value school
015) Do you have a social life? Trying to get one back
016) Have you ever lied to your best friends? A couple times when its necessary.. nothing too severe
017) Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing? Haha oh yeah...
018) Would you ever sky dive? Sign me up
019) Do you like to dance? Yup
021) Do you like to travel? Live for it
022) Have you ever been suspended from school? No.. but I have been in ISR..
023) Do you want to get out of your hometown? I think in the long run it will be a good idea
024) Are you spoiled? surprisingly NO... although many would beg to differ
025) do you like to get down on the first date or night? I don't like to get down on any kind of first
026) Have you ever been dumped? Yeah haven't we all..
032) Are you a role model?: I don't know who would look up to me but if they do..god bless them
033) What name brand do you wear the most? Express
034) What kind of jewelery do you wear? my Michelle bracelet from Cedar Point.. haha.. and my $4.00 Claire's earrings... I am a baller..
035) What do you have pierced? ears several times and my belly button
036) What do you want pierced? my ears some more
037) Do you like taking pictures? Yes
038) Do you like getting your picture taken? Nope
039) Do you have a tan? Yes
040) Do you get annoyed easily? Depends who is doing the annoying and how often they try to annoy me..usually it is the same people just doing it for the sick pleasure..you assholes but I still love ya.. =)
041) Have you ever started a rumor? If I am told something then yes I have often spread it..maybe I have made up one or two.. everyone has done it.. your lying if you deny it..
042) Do you have your own pool? I used to.. I still consider it mine..
043) Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Boxer-briefs.. squeeze that tight ass!
044) did you get new pants today? Nope.. I wore clothes I have had for like 3-4 years
045) Have you ever played someone? Not intentionally... 047) Have you ever been fired from a job? Yes
048) Do you even have a job? Yes
049) Do you daydream a lot? Yes
050) Do you have a lot of ex's? No
051) What do you want a tattoo of? A small shamrock on my foot...
053) What does your ex bf/gf look like? Which one?
054) What does your most recent crush look like? crushes are secret!
055) Are you rude? Sometimes I am..it is my nature to be straight out blunt with people...usually I am a sweetheart-don't worry =)
056) What was the last compliment you received? You look sexy!
057) Do you like getting dirty? Oh yeah baby... I like where this is going..
058) Is your bellybutton an innie or outie? innie
059) Are you flexible? A little
060) Could you ever be a vegetarian? Nope...I would probably die first..
061) Last real heartbreak? Last year...
062) Describe your looks? I dunno.. I'm like 5'2...dark brown curly/straight hair, brown eyes, tan, hips and butt for miles... ya know =P
063) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color? I wouldn't want to..
064) Would you ever date someone younger than you? I usually do
067) When was the last time you went on a date? haha...................um............. the weekend after Valentine's Day?
068) How many rings until you answer the phone? 3 my house phone... my cell phone like never.. I never hear it or have it with me..
069) Do you look more like your mother or father? Daddy
070) Do you cry a lot? I used to a lot..
071) Do you ever cry to get your way? No but usually it ends up with me crying but it's never intended..
072) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be? my left arm I guess..
073) What phrase do you use most on the phone? I don't talk on the phone.. I don't do phones..
074) Are you the romantic type? Yeah
075) What do you like most about your body? My butt..it makes me friends
076) What do you like least about your body? my thighs
077) When was the last time you threw up? don't remember
078) In the opposite sex,do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Brunettes by far =) sorry guys..
079) What do the shoes you last wore look like? black sandals
080) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly? No
081) What about cleavage? No..I dress classy not trashy
082) Is your best friend a virgin? Yes he is =)
083) Have you ever ------ someone up? um?
084) Have you ever been ------ up? um?
085) What color are your underwear right now? haha..don't have any on.. I'm sporting pajama pants.. underwear and pajama pants don't go together
086) What size shoe do you wear? 5 1/2, 6
088) What is your screen name on AIM: that is a secret
089) How are you feeling right now? sleepy
092) What time do you sleep in to? like 8:30-9
093) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you? a few.. assholes.. sorry-I hold grudges
094) What is one of your bad qualities? I give my heart too easily...I AM TOO NICE!
095) What is one of your good qualities? I am trustworthy
096) Would you marry for money? Only if we can immediatly get divorced afterwards
097) What do you drive? monte carlo.. not by choise
098) Are you more of a mama or daddy's child? daddy's girl
099) When was the last time you cried in school? senior year
100) What time are you finishing this? 4:25am
Kiss me

Thanx Chris... again.. [28 Apr 2004|04:54pm]
(X) been drunk. (X) smoked pot. (X) kissed a member of the opposite sex. (X) kissed a member of the same sex. ( ) crashed a friend's car. ( ) been to japan. (x) rode in a taxi. ( ) had anal sex. (?) been in love. (X) had sex. (X) had sex in public. (x) been dumped. (X) shoplifted. (X) been fired. ( ) been in a fist fight. ( ) had a threesome. (X) snuck out of my parent's house. ( ) been tied up. (sexually) ( ) pissed on myself.( ) had sex with a member of the same sex. (X) been arrested. ( ) made out with a stranger. ( ) did other sexual acts with a stanger (X) stole something from my job. ( ) celebrated new years in time square. ( ) went on a blind date. (x) lied to a friend. (XXXXXXXXXXXXXX) had a crush on a teacher. ( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. ( ) been to europe. (x) skipped school. (X..but we were dating then?) slept with a co-worker. (X) cut myself on purpose. ( ) had sex at the office. ( ) been married. ( ) been divorced ( ) had children.

woohoo I'm beginning to live life!
Kiss me

thanx to chris i am yet entertained again.. [28 Apr 2004|04:42pm]
last kiss: Joey
last cigarette: NEVER, EVER
last good cry: a couple days ago
last library book checked out: some Astrology book
last movie seen: Texas Chainsaw Massacre
last book read: The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
last cuss word uttered: I try not to swear so I don't remember really..
last beverage drank: half pink lemonade/half water
last food consumed: chicken fajita wrap
last phone call: Joey
last tv show watched: Maury
last shoes worn: brown Candies I've had forever
last cd played: Aerosmith
last item bought: food
last downloaded: never downloaded music
last annoyance: my dad
last disappointment: .....
last soda drank: pepsi
last thing handwritten: letter
last word spoken: ok
last sleep: last night
last im: Nathan
last ice cream eaten: nerds cow kicker freeze from dee-dees...oh yeah...
trippin on drugs? not currently
last time in love: .....
last time hugged: this morning
last time scolded: today
last chair sat in: this one
last lipstick used: don't wear lipstick
last shirt worn: white blouse
last time dancing: today at work
last poster looked at: posters at Zebb's
1 MINUTE AGO: I was doing this.
1 HOUR AGO: at my 3rd interview for Red Lobster
1 DAY AGO: at work
1 WEEK AGO: work, work, work, work, sleep?
1 YEAR AGO: coming up on graduation, trying to go to economics, visiting mrs. green
1. What do you most like about your body? my butt
2. And least? thighs
3. How many fillings do you have? uno
4. Do you think you're good looking? sometimes
5. Do other people tell you that you're good looking? sometimes
First job: Marsh's
First screen name: cheli3elly.. -say word!
First funeral: my grandma =(..
First pet: besides fish.. my kell-bell
First piercing/tattoo: ears
First Kiss: Frank... **vommits**
First one that mattered: Ralphie.. haha =) I think... too long ago..
First love: ....
First enemy: Ashley Stankovich
First big trip: Washington D.C.
First concert: Goo Goo Dolls
First musician you remember hearing in your house: ??
Kiss me

ohboy... [23 Apr 2004|12:06am]
my.life.sucks.
i dont know what it is... my life is so different than it was during high school and i hate it..its not even the fact that im not in school..i miss school though and i am going back and/or planning on it.. speaking of that i need to put my application into canisus...i dont know what to do with myself..with relationships..i know what i want.. at least i think i do.. i know what i need from people...ive learned to let certain people go out of my own choice for once..others i am still contemplating if i need to let them go.. i know i need to be independent...i would love to live on my own.. but right now i feel like i would hurt my parents feelings if i did that but i truly think that in order for me to grow up, i need to live on my own. not with a roommate, just on my own. i dont know what brought about me to that conclusion but i think thats what needs to happen. i need to experience things and grow up and im not going to be able to do that if im living at home and living in constant fear of what my parents are going to do to me. i actually think that my bond with them will strengthen after i leave...i need to go to bed..
Kiss me

a reason to start over new..and that reason is you.. [29 Mar 2004|05:44pm]
My name is:: michelle
nicknames:: chels,mooki,princess(tim!),tight ass(thanx a lot k&m)
sex:: female
birthday:: dec 16th, 1984
color:: tan
star sign:: sagittaurus
place of birth:: lewiston
current residence:: town of niagara
hair color:: dark brown w. auburn highlights
eye color: light brown
height:: 5'2...5'3
writing hand :: righty

-BODY ILLS + SKILLS-

do you bite your nails:: never
can you roll your tongue:: nope...
can you raise one eyebrow at a time:: nope..
can you blow smoke rings:: never tried it.. i dont smoke..
can you blow spit bubbles:: if i try..
can you cross your eyes:: yes
colored hair:: some highlights
tattoos and where:: no but there will be on my foot
piercings and where:: ears, belly, tongue
do you make your bed daily:: i try to..its about the only cleaning i do in my room..
what goes on first bra or underwear:: bra..cause sometimes there is no underwear..haha
which shoe goes on first:: usually my left.. i dont know
speaking of shoes, have you thrown one at someone:: yes, my brother
how much money is usually in your wallet:: right now i have about $500...give it a couple days and it wont be there..usually its like $20 if that..
what jewelry do you wear 24/7:: earrings..
whats sexiest on a guy:: smile
whats sexiest on a girl:: ask a guy
would you rather be on time and look ok or late and look great:: depends on where i'm going....
do you twirl your spagetti or cut it:: twirl
how many cereals are in your cabinet:: 3 : none..i have one box at work though..
what utensils do you use eating pizza:: depends what kind of pizza..lahacienda is definately cut up with a knife and fork.. im weird i like to savor it..
do you cook:: to try and be cute sometimes for special people

-GROOMING-

how often do you brush your teeth:: two or three times a day....
do you shower/bathe:: bathe mostly, i dont like to stand
how long do these showers last:: about 20 minutes....
hair drying method:: wrap a towel around my head while i get ready, then blow dry it completely if its going to be straight..if its curly i dont dry it..
do you paint your nails:: nope, dont have patience for that kind of girly stuff...
do you mumble to yourself:: of course, lol
do you spit in public:: thats disgusting
do you pee in the shower:: ewww....then how would u get clean?! lol....
in the cd player:: jessica simpson, aerosmith, dave matthews, trapt, who knows.. depends what im feeling..
person you talk most on the phone with:: my mom
what color is your bedroom:: some light tan color
do you use an alarm clock:: my phone alarm..
name four things your obsessed with:: jessica simpson, nick lachey, derek jeter & all the yankees, food
have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex:: nope
ever sunbathed in the nude:: in a tanning bed
window seat or aisle:: window
whats your sleeping position:: i sleep in every position thinkable....i move toooo much, lol....
what kind of bed do you like:: anything but a water bed..
in hot weather do you use a blanket:: i cant sleep without blankets....i just put like 4 fans on me too
do you snore:: sometimes, when i have a stuffy nose....
do you sleepwalk:: no
do you talk in your sleep:: not that i know of
how about the light on:: i like it to be pitch black....
do you fall asleep with the tv or radio:: its a must..
-WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU-

were kissed or kissed someone:: like a peck of makeout? a peck i think yesterday..makeout..i dont remember
watched bambi:: oh man, i cant even remember that....
cried:: last weeekend
talked on the phone: half hour ago
read a book:: like a month ago..
punched someone:: last weekend
where do you see yourself ten years from now:: hopefully happily married with a good ass job bringing in the money, nice home, and a puppy =)
who are you gonna be married to and where:: whoever i would like to spend the rest of my life with
how many kids do you want to have:: 3
your profession:: keeps changing..was a teacher..now im thinking about physical therapy or athletic training

-MUSIC-

is music important to you:: i couldnt live without it
do you sing:: all the time :)
what instruments do you play:: the clarinet
what do you think of Eminem:: hes gorgeous and talented too, lol....

-DO YOU LIKE-

pop music:: yup
rock music:: yup
punk music:: yup
rap music:: its okay
hip-hop/RB:: eh....
country:: yup
jazz:: not feeling it
classical:: not feeligs this either
new age:: not this one either
hardcore:: a little... depends what

-WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX-

What do you notice first?: eyes and smile
Do you have a crush on anyone?: yup :0)
Easiest to talk to: nick, chris

-WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON-

You talked to on the phone: joey
Hugged: joey
You instant messaged: jen
You laughed with: corinn

- DO YOU/ARE YOU-

Could you live without the computer?: noooo, i'd die....
food?:: noooo, i looooooove foooood....
Whats your favorite fruit?:: strawberries
What hurts the most? Physical or emotional pain?:: emotional....
Trust others way too easily?:: i most def. do

- NUMBER-

Of times you have had my heart broken?:: one major..
Of hearts you have broken?:: some here and there
Of boys kissed?:: like 9 or 10 lol...
Of girls kissed?:: 2..
of drugs taken illegally?: 2
Of tight friends?:: a couple
Of CD's owned?:: like 100.. but i always lose them so like 40 that i can place in my head right now
Of scars on my body?:: 2 or 3
Of things in my past that i regret?:: waaay too many....

-OTHER THINGS-

I know:: that i need to work out
I want:: affection..to be spoiled
I have:: a pimple on my finger..it hurts
I wish:: i was loved..other then my family & friends
I hate:: zebbs
I miss:: my friends from high school
I fear:: the unknown
I hear:: jeopardy
I search:: for acceptance
I love:: my dog
I ache:: in my finger
I care:: about my family, friends, and people
I always:: talk
I dance:: all the time :) esp when i'm gettin dressed
I cry:: less than i used to
I confuse:: very easily
I can usually be found:: at zebbs
Favorite place to be kissed?:: my forehead
Last time you recieved your favorite kiss:: too long ago

-ARE YOU A...

Wuss:: nope
Druggie:: nope
Gang member:: nope
Daydreamer:: thats all i ever do
Alcoholic:: nope..
Freak:: maybe a lil bit
Brat:: yes
Sarcastic:: noooo, not at all....hahahahaha....
Goody-goody:: im trying to get that back
Angel:: yes =)
Devil:: never
Friend:: to anyone who needs one
Shy:: sometimes
Talkative:: i talk waaay too much, lol....
Adventurous:: too much
Intelligent:: indeed

-SELF ANALYSIS YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO DO-

Your best feature [personality]:: i have a huge heart
Your biggest flaw [personality]:: i'm too nice to people
Most annoying thing you do:: im too sarcastic..i hurt peoples feelings
Describe your personality in one word:: sweetheart :0)
The physical feature for which you are most often complimented:: ass, smile
A smell that makes you smile:: fresh baked cookies
A place you would like to visit:: cancun
A drink you order most often:: pepsi
The music you prefer while alone:: aerosmith
A film you could watch over and over:: 10 things i hate a bout you
A TV show you watch regularly:: newlyweds, real world
You live in an:: house
Your transportation:: 95 monte carlo... =(
Your cologne or perfume:: several
Under your bed or in your closet you hide:: i have rubbermaids full of stuff
Something important on your night table:: a pictue of my softball team.. aw i miss my girls..
2 Ooh Babys| Kiss me

[15 Mar 2004|09:00am]
ok...the real fucked up mandi that she is just went to a concert with lorena..LORENA! im not getting speaked to because im such a toxic friend because i was late to pick her up and lorena never did! and shes hanging out with her!!! what the fuck dude..im sick of bull shit from everyone..
Kiss me

[26 Feb 2004|01:14pm]
From the way that you acted
To the way that I felt it
It wasn't worth my time
And now its sad cause all I missed
Wasn't that good to begin with
And now I've started you begging
Saying things that you don't mean
It isn't worth my time
A line's a dime a million times
And I'm about to see all of them

Goodbye to you, Goodbye to you
Your taking up my time

You call my name when I wake up
To see things go your way
I'm coughing up my time
Each drag's a drop of blood a grain
A minute of my life
It's all I've got just to stay down
Why the fuck am I still down
I'm hoarding all thats mine
Each time I let just one slip by
I'm wasting what is mine

My time..

I'm about to see a million things I thought I'd never see before and I
I'm about to do all the things I dreamed of and I don't even miss you at all



.....if i could only say goodbye to you and mean it.....
Kiss me

[26 Feb 2004|12:16am]
hugggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg me................


please?
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

I am everything you want, I am everything you need..but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why. [24 Feb 2004|12:06am]
i dont know what it was but a talk with mandi last week has had me thinking..and thinking..and all i can do is think about the end of the school year/summer...a lot happened...a lot..but i learned so much about myself and had such an awesome time with a certain group of people that it helped me get through one of the worst things ive ever had to get through..first of all... the mike situation hurt me.. if the whole world couldnt see that..it was obvious.. we did our share of fucked up stuff to each other but it totally drained me.. i started working at dairy queen and got a whole new group of friends.. our little pack of johnny, mel, bartos, matt, bill, paul, andy, mikey d, and sometimes kari and neal, got together every night after work.. had some of the best times of my life..i really miss them... that group of guys were like my brothers and no nothing ever happened between us like most people think, it was just cool to have a group of people that you always could count on..you always knew where you were going and what was going on...there were never any questions about it..in the meantime my best friend nick came down from florida... heh.. he was going to come for prom but didnt want to stay that long till graduation so he just came for graduation.. ill never forget the first night he was here when we went to beaver island..it was like nothing was different between us.. time hadnt passed...we were still michelle and nick.. and then things got weird..i did things i shouldnt have..i blew him off for mike when i really should have balanced everything but i didnt..the day of graduation we all went to a hotel party... me and nick both got smashed so mike drove me home and nick stayed there... i found out later that he almost had sex with my gay guy friend and that he seemed to be pretty experienced in that department..i didnt say anything to him because it wasnt my business if he didnt want to tell me..i was offended because i was his best friend but hey what can you do..everything was fine again until the night before he left... we were laying next to each other like usual going to sleep..(it is just how we have always slept..wherever....whenever..nothing ever sexual it was like an understood thing i guess)...but this time things were different. he started like tickling my arm and stuff and then would roll over so i did it back.. i didnt know what was going on.. all of a sudden we kissed..we stopped like 15min later because my parents were moving around upstairs and we both fell asleep, never to mention that again...so here i am the straight one...i think... who just got mauled by my gay best friend?? i think i was confused for a long time..i still am because now he doesnt talk to me?..its like all i am to him is someone to talk to when he visits...anyways then i started talking to mike again as friends at first and we went a lot of places..i think we did everything possible on clifton hill.. and we were starting to get close again.. little did i know what i was supposed to figure out... in the meantime me and mandi were going to thursday at the square everyweek.. this one thursday was different... we were leaving and trying to avoid my stalker joe who actually was waiting for me at my car on the curb when we got back there..but thats another story... and i suddenly saw the hottest man i have ever seen in my life.. i turned around like a complete 360..several times and i was like mandi! we cant leave yet! so i pulled her over and we went and sat on this little bench under a tree...and he was the next bench over.. all by his lonesome.. up walks this guy who tries to give me and mandi his fruit..scaring the hell out of us..so i look at this guy who has been looking back at me and i sort of give the motion to come help us.. which he responds to! and he comes over and sits next to me...the scary man walks away and then the hot man speaks... hi..ohmygod hes british.. come to find out he is a 25yr old med student studying over here for the summer...his name was tahlal.. holy jesus hot/smart/hot...that was all i could think about.. well he seemed interested so i told him to call me if he didnt have anything to do sometime..and me and mandi leave after some more conversation... the whole way home mandi is telling me that i have to have sex with him and become pregnant so i can have british babies and because it is the right thing to do lol... the more i think about it..the more i think of how hot it would be to have sex with a british man who is leaving in a week who -according to mandi- will give me the hottest sex ever-since according to mandi as well.. the british are the ones who know how to make the love-...anyways...he ends up calling me during one of my softball games... he calls me 2 days in a row..i blow him off and hang out with mike... which to this day mandi wont forgive me for... and that was that... now me and mike are talking(this is the end of summer)...and i meet joey... i didnt know what was going on between me and mike because i was under the impression he wanted to be single so me and joey go on a date..mike gets pissed because i should have known what we were and stops talking to me... here i am today though at a huge crossroads in my life.....what i am really trying to say through all of this is that i know i am with joey..although things are not good..havent been...blah blah blah.. i wouldnt cheat on him. but lately all i can do is think about a certain someone.. i dont know why but i cant... and i want to just give my wholeself to this person with a snap of a finger but i know from the past.. he is the one who took away all my happiness and i am hesitant to give away anything of myself to anyone.. i dont know if he is here in good intentions or what is going on.. but i want to hang out.. i want to know how he feels, how he has felt.. i want the truth about everything because if im going to trust my heart again to someone even for a brief moment.. i want to know that they wont let me crash down like before.. i know this probably made no sense to anyone but yeah for me. it did.
1 Ooh Baby| Kiss me

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